Loneliness clutches the throat cutting off air. Like being in a dusty room and trying to talk. Or being underwater and trying to breathe. The music isn’t helping. It makes you melancholic, needy. Wanting attention. And painfully aware that it will be a while till you receive it. If at all. And not on your terms. Mostly never.
To have someone. To call and say, you must listen to this song/ this artist/ this person narrating her poetry. To know that this person will know exactly why you like/love/loathe, whom you recommend. To have someone to say, do you want to come over for a meal? Or to not even ask, but to open the door and find a person you wanted to see, standing there, smiling a quiet smile.
To have someone who isn’t a pit stop. Or does not see you as one. Who is not passing through, who stays back, for you. Because that’s the only thing to do. And it feels right. You don’t feel guilty for the choice made. You don’t feel a sense of worry, on how you will cope when this ends. And you have to wake up.
To have a group of women sitting around, drinking tea/coffee/water/vodka/whiskey/whatever, talking about everything inconsequential and nothing inconsequential. To feel a sense of belonging to a sorority. To something like a sisterhood.
To have a dog who gives you love in return for love, loyalty in return for loyalty, a wide smile for the squeaky toy you offer as an act of devotion, who matches every running step of yours with a boundless sense of enthusiasm and a nose for every puddle on the road.
To have a person who puts you first, once in a way. Who responds to every text, every question, every doubt with a...response. Any response. But not an ‘okay’.
To have someone to walk in the rain with, to drink a cup of coffee with, to share a bar of chocolate or a drink with. To sit with, in total silence and watch the colours of the sky change.
To pick up the phone and have the person on the other end know. Just know, that you need someone. And to find that shoulder, that arm around you, that hand in yours, that embrace.
If this is your loneliness, then welcome to the club. There’s always room for one more.
To have someone. To call and say, you must listen to this song/ this artist/ this person narrating her poetry. To know that this person will know exactly why you like/love/loathe, whom you recommend. To have someone to say, do you want to come over for a meal? Or to not even ask, but to open the door and find a person you wanted to see, standing there, smiling a quiet smile.
To have someone who isn’t a pit stop. Or does not see you as one. Who is not passing through, who stays back, for you. Because that’s the only thing to do. And it feels right. You don’t feel guilty for the choice made. You don’t feel a sense of worry, on how you will cope when this ends. And you have to wake up.
To have a group of women sitting around, drinking tea/coffee/water/vodka/whiskey/whatever, talking about everything inconsequential and nothing inconsequential. To feel a sense of belonging to a sorority. To something like a sisterhood.
To have a dog who gives you love in return for love, loyalty in return for loyalty, a wide smile for the squeaky toy you offer as an act of devotion, who matches every running step of yours with a boundless sense of enthusiasm and a nose for every puddle on the road.
To have a person who puts you first, once in a way. Who responds to every text, every question, every doubt with a...response. Any response. But not an ‘okay’.
To have someone to walk in the rain with, to drink a cup of coffee with, to share a bar of chocolate or a drink with. To sit with, in total silence and watch the colours of the sky change.
To pick up the phone and have the person on the other end know. Just know, that you need someone. And to find that shoulder, that arm around you, that hand in yours, that embrace.
If this is your loneliness, then welcome to the club. There’s always room for one more.
6 comments:
awesome..
good expermentation on prose!
Again total respect..
vinay . Thank you for that.honoured.
Can I assume you were with K when you wrote this ? :D
I know exactly how you feel especially when you have had all that and lost it!!Amazingly written!!
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