Semiotics

I love you doesn’t mean I love you, all the times and in the same sense. It has to be the words and the letters- I love you. It cannot be I luv you or I love ya or I luv ya or love you. The last is normally seen at the end of a breezy phone call, almost as an afterthought. No, I love you means almost nothing when it’s not the exact letters, down to the last u.

And it has to stand alone. It cannot be I love you so or I love you so much that or because I love you I am or I love you too much to. It cannot be I love you but and it should not be I love you too. The last is especially awful, said as a kind of return gift because someone was kind enough to bestow their large and phenomenal love on you. What a paltry, miserly sentiment in return for such magnificence.

And I love you is a declaration. Of intent but also of longing. Of need and of greed. I love you is a promise, a commitment that binds the speaker and the listener, the heart and its keeper, the owner of your love and you, in ways beyond comprehension.

Once uttered, you can’t take the words back. Why would you want to? Surely there’s too little of love going around anyway? So why would you not want to say it? Why would you not want to hear it? Why would you not try to be worthy of it?

But I must recant. I love you need not be a loud, overt declaration. It could be a quiet knowing, knowing that I love you and it has nothing to do with you. So don’t tell me you can’t deal with it because I don’t need you to deal with any damn thing. This is not yours to deal with in the first place. So don’t be condescending.

And then there are those people who don’t come out and say the words, I love you. And when they do, if at all they do, they say it in passing not aware of the sledgehammer blow they’ve just dealt you. If it’s the right person, even the I love you, you know? will mean the world to you.

But I love you and I am in love with you are different things and don’t make the mistake of mixing them up. I am in love with you is soul and heart, being and body. I love you could be your favourite tree. So know the difference and think about which sentence finds resonance with you.

Some days you might feel like an I love you and on others, I am in love with you. But when it’s uttered, it creates as impact so use it wisely. Use it well.

I love you is the difference between a tear and an embarrassed smile, between pain and realization and between liking and devotion. Somewhere there is a place for your I love you. Find it and stay there for a while, an instant, an eternity.

Forever lies in I love you.

Rise.

Rise.
Above dependence. Above need. Above want. And wanting. And wanting to be wanted.
Stop.
Waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for the text message ping, waiting for some acknowledgement that you're at the other end of the phone. And that you're missed. And needed, not just wanted. And not being ignored.
Stay calm.
Don't clamour for attention, for your opinions to be heard, for your questions to be answered, for conversation to ensue.
Hold on.
Listen to that song. You put it on your player so just let it be. Don't keep moving from one to the next. Let the song work its magic on you. Let it heal, or at least, let it help.
Be still.
Wait for him to find his way to you. Wait for love to unravel itself, its mysteries, its wonder. Don't push it. It doesn't work if you hurry. So just stay still.
Be hopeful. Life works in curious ways and one cannot argue with whimsy. You might hurt, but be hopeful nonetheless.
Love. With no half measures, with no holding back. You may have questions, but that's not a reason to do this half way.
Be. Just be. Optimistic, spontaneous, silly, stupid even, naive, amazing.
Be you. Be true.