Logical Emotion

It is an interesting idea. To react emotionally with logic. I call it logical emotion. Interesting, but also, to me, an oxymoron. How does one take decisions that are essentially of the heart, with the mind? And yet, I think that’s what people do.

The strange thing is when you make friends you don’t consider whether the person is suited to you or not. You become friends and everything works itself out. Or not. But when it comes to the person you want to be with, being suitably matched, even the economic status, becomes important.

Yes, I’d probably agree that this is more important. And yes, the practicality of it all makes sense. To be with a person because you can be provided with a life style and comfort that you are used to. Because they share common interests with you. Because their aspirations are similar to yours. Because you ‘look good together’. I do know of people who put all this above a lot of other things. And maybe are the better for it. But is that really an emotional response? That there is a mere logical response, almost as if one drew a line across a clean sheet of paper and wrote down ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ and made a list and weighed the two. Having done that, made a decision based on the weightier side.

Clinical.

Cold.

Not emotional.

It is like deciding whether to change jobs or buy a car.

Emotion is evocative and removed from reality and practicality. It is and that’s all it can ever be. Having said that, i think i’d want values to be similar. I value honesty above everything else and would want to be with someone who puts it first too.

This post started off as a fall out of a conversation, where I was told that ending a relationship was a logical thing to do. And I argued about how it cannot be.

But as I write, I have to wonder whether ending a relationship is different to starting one. As in the motivation of it. Maybe getting into a relationship is an emotional decision. Emotion rules and one wonders about life before this person and things are fine.

But getting out of it?

Could that be a logical decision? If you have been in a relationship for a while, you’d know what works and what does not, and by then, are responding to the situation, rather than reacting.

Hmm, perhaps separating from a person is a logical response. And not one, by any stretch of the imagination, an easy one to do. A woman I greatly admire had the courage of conviction to see that her marriage had ended. I cannot imagine what she might have been through, but she has emerged, I think, stronger and the better for it. And I think by the time she did take that step, it was more a logical thing to do (though knowing her, emotion was not far behind.). There was nothing else to do.

Love can’t be logical. Hell, I will say, like can’t be logical. Let me not generalise here. For me, if I like a certain person I do it for no practical reason but that my heart desires it. Most times, it is the wrong time, or the wrong kind or just wrong and will end up perhaps in misery for me, but I will do it just the same. And if there is a situation where things have to end, then in most cases, I am not the one doing the leaving.

I’d hate to be a logical decision.

Whether as a decision to be with.

Or to leave.

But one thing is for sure- no matter how you decide, through thought or emotion, using your head or using your heart, it is still going to hurt.

The question then becomes- what will help you there?

The head?

The heart?
i'm going with- neither.

Starved

Is, to starve some one of answers, emotional abuse? To talk, but not necessarily converse? To not, consciously, but still manage 'casual' conversations and not the 'serious' kind? Emotional abuse. It is not a term I use, to be honest. That, along with 'emotional affair'. These are semantics, they work for us and are convenient and we use them. So while I don’t think its abuse, it could be neglect. And it is unfair.

To expect someone to toe your line, to follow your rules is unfair. To say this is me, take it or leave it, is unfair. To say I don’t believe in romance, so you should not either or at least not expect me to be romantic, is unfair. To say or imply that I don’t talk emotional stuff, so maybe you shouldn’t, unless you want to see me squirm or be uncomfortable, or run for the hills, is unfair. To take advantage of the fact that they will not do that, is unfair. To be insensitive to the whole thing..is cruel.

Life is unfair then, don’t you think. Considering how the people we like are so different to who we are. And considering how when we fall hard- if you’re the live emotionally kind of person- we tend to do the exact opposite of what we want to do.

What happens in the process is introspection. It is dwelling in a dark room, made more frustrating and infinitely more difficult by the fact that you have no idea how the other person is feeling. You’re dwelling and they are.. oblivious. But that’s the choice you make, if you choose to walk the wire and live, on that fine point of contradiction between oblivion and madness. To live an emotionally sharp life, at least for me, is a conscious choice. Not one that came with a lot of thought-It just so happens, that, of late, I think I lead an emotionally charged life. Maybe it is the writing I indulge in these days or the kind of company I keep. What ever it is, it is this.

What do you do?
Do you deny or crave?
Give or receive?
Nurture or shun?
Love or leave?

Both?
This ending has an abruptness. And that is how it feels.
To be starved.
But crave you must.
Crave i do.