Starting Once More

It is easy to unneed. 

Put your phone away to begin with. This is imperative and a non- negotiable first step. Put it away. Ah. You're being cute now. Alright, put away any communication device right now. Your phone, the computer, the laptop, the pads and the tablets and the pods and the posts and the feeds. Put it all away. Shut it down. Disconnect. Go to a different room. I mean, physically get up and go. Do so after you've silenced the noises on the aforementioned devices. We will deal with the screaming inside you in just a bit. Hold on.

Now. In the other room, the other space, city, country, do not close your eyes. No that's a bad idea because when you do, what do you see? Yes. Him. So eyes wide open, take in the world around you.

There's the neighbour's clothesline. The sheets are regularly washed. Hmm. That makes you think. Is it a small child or is it love? There are new jacaranda flowers on that young tree in the patchwork garden ahead. You breathe deep- consciously, eyes open, not sighing- but you can't smell the fragrance yet. Be patient. You have nowhere to go. Neither does the tree.

Perhaps where you are, you can see unforgiving mountains, almost black and white in their beauty. Imposing and cold. It's not just the snow that makes you shiver. I know, I get it. Maybe the sand under your feet is wet and clings. It doesn't make your heart sing and you can't wait to be clean. But you see the sand. And smell the seaweed. Good. That's good.

No, I don't want to know that you can smell the desperation behind the souls enmeshed in the water. Those who cling and those who walked further. I don't want to know that the sea ,at times , is the same shade as his eyes.

We are trying to un-need here, remember ?

In the other room that you are, now close your eyes. Think about all the things you wanted to do but didn't have time to. Think about every mean thing that has been said or done to you. No, just by him. Don't be a drama queen. Now listen to the voices inside you. Yes, I know you thought I had forgotten. Listen and be ruthless. Each one that tells you that you need him, go snip snip snip at its vocal chords. Each that tells you to find yourself, embrace and internalise. Soon, you'll get the hang of it. The discard and the keep piles will be discrete and obvious. You'll know what has to go.

Don't go back to the phone. Even if you don't have the number, you'll still wonder.  Don't look at the pictures. Don't stalk. Don't think. Just listen to the voice that says, unneed. Unneed. Unneed.

Unneeded. No, not you. Him. 

Not you. Never you.

You're a goddess. Now, embrace it.